"Transformers: Dark of the Moon" review

For anyone who has no clue of what the Transformers are, let me explain it to you in a nutshell. The Transformers are giant robotic aliens from the planet Cybertron. They are capable of converting themselves into vehicles like cars, trucks, and airplanes. There are two main groups of Transformers: the Autobots, who are the good guys, and the Decepticons, the villains. Both sides have been battling in a war for power that eventually found its way to Earth.

“Transformers: Dark of the Moon,” is the end to that war. While many will agree that it is much better than its recent predecessor “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen,” it still has a couple of problems that keep it from becoming what could have been a true masterpiece of an action movie.

Optimus Prime in Vehicle Mode

There isn’t s a whole lot of action at first, though. Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBeouf) is in Washington, D.C. Low on luck in his job search, he eventually finds a job in a mail room (rogerebert.com), while his new girlfriend and Megan Fox replacement Carly Spencer (Rosie Huntington-Whitely) works for “her accountant (and car-collecting) boss, Dylan Gould (Patrick Dempsey)” (imdb.com). A little bit of a love triangle, which isn’t all that interesting, forms between these characters. They eventually get involved in a plot that is far too convoluted to explain in full detail. It involves this ship called the Ark, piloted by Autobot Sentinel Prime (Leonard Nemoy), and containing several components required to form a space-bridge, a wormhole to another part of the galaxy. This bridge was supposed to help the Autobots win the war against the Decepticons. Don’t ask me how. I have no idea.

What I do know is that most of the Autobots and Decepticons from the previous movies are back. These include Bumblebee, Optimus Prime (Peter Cullen), and Megatron, who is expertly voiced by Hugo Weaving.  Many will be happy to know that Autobots Skids and Mudflap, which most critics of  “Revenge of the Fallen” called black stereotypes, do not make an appearance.

The most notable absence from this movie, however, is undoubtedly Megan Fox, who was basically fired from “Transformers 3” as the result of his feud with the project’s director, Michael Bay (screenrant.com). That’s not to say Carly isn’t a decent replacement. She’s beautiful like Megan Fox, and she has a British accent, which I enjoyed. What keeps her character from working in the plot is the way Megan Fox’s character, Sam’s former girlfriend, Mikaela, was written off. Apparently, the most creative way the writer of this movie did it was by saying that she dumped him. Anyone who saw how “Revenge of the Fallen” ended would know that this scenario is completely unrealistic. The movie might have been better off not even mentioning Mikaela, and writing out a romantic interest altogether.

What also could have been improved upon was the ridiculous amount of revisionist history, both human and autobot. Apparently, it was the crash landing of the Ark on the dark side of the Earth’s moon that launched the space race. There’s also something to do with a bar with some Russians in it. I’m not sure what that was about.

Thankfully, though, the rest of the movie is a heaping load of awesomeness, once an early plot twist that no one will see coming kicks "Transformers"  into overdrive. After that, it’s one shocking turn of events after another, which culminates in a moment that evokes “The Empire Strikes Back;” it’s Earth’s darkest hour, and the Decepticons are close to taking over the planet. It seems that there’s no hope left.

I’ll let you figure out what happens next.

I’ll give you a hint though: it involves lots of insane robotic action. The scenes of destruction in this movie, with giant mechanized tendrils wrapping around buildings, and soldiers sliding down a skyscraper as it tips over, are nothing short of epic. Optimus Prime is at his ultimate level of warrior action. He even brought back the energon axe for all the '80's Transformers fans out there. Even with that said, however, it seemed like the entire movie just blurred into one long climactic battle. I actually started getting bored towards the end. Give viewers a moment to breathe, Michael Bay!

The only other serious issue I’d address is that the 3D technology is not implemented as well as it should be. And “Transformers” is actually one of the only movie franchises that makes sense to put in 3-D. Save your money, and go see the 2-D showing.

Even still, at the end of the day, “Transformers: The Dark of the Moon” is absolutely Bay-tastic.

Final score: 8 out of 10.

Scott Pilgrim vs. The Movie Critic

X-Box Live Achievement Acquired: Super Action Pose!

“Scott Pilgrim vs. the World” is the newest project from Edgar Wright, director of the zombie comedy "Shaun of the Dead". His newest movie has nothing to do with zombies, but instead, is based on Bryan Lee O'Maley's graphic novel series that imagines life as a video game. The style of the graphic novels is faithfully adapted  to the live action format. So faithfully, that the viewer can't fully accept the absurdity of it all.

One of the few keeping this movie enjoyable is Michael Cera’s adept performance as timid Scott Pilgrim, a mousy-voiced 23-year-old from Toronto, Canada. He supports himself through the punk rock band he’s on called the Sex Bob-ombs, a reference to an enemy type from the Super Mario Bros. video games.  He also maintains a relationship with a high school girl named Knives Chao--yes, seriously, her name is Knives--who seems to be in a perpetual sugar rush. Her bubbly is much appreciated.

Scott’s relationship status changes from “in a relationship” to  “it’s extremely complicated” when he  falls for an apathetic Amazon employee named Ramona Flowers (Mary Elizabeth Winstead), who has seven evil ex boyrfriends with superhuman abilities--I am not making this up. In order to be with Ramona, Scott must defeat The League of Evil Exes, as it’s called, in over-the-top, anime-inspired fight sequences.

This movie gets even weirder when aspects of video game life come into play. When Scott faces an evil ex, the fight scene starts off as how a round in a fighting video game would start off: with a big vs. icon between Scott and the ex. When an ex is “killed”, he or she (not a typo) explodes, leaving behind a pile of quarters. Scott also scores points for achieving tasks, has a pee meter that appears when he goes to the bathroom, and can even pick up an extra life.

Get a life, Pilgrim.

Some of these bits do work well at times. Try not to imitate the bodiless power–up announcer when he screams, “Scott Pilgrim obtained the power of love!” However, some big questions pop into my head: is Scott aware of the pee meter that pops up behind him when he uses the John? Do the characters notice that lightning bolts are flying out of their instruments when they perform? It's more difficult in movie form than in comic book form to tell what’s there with the characters and what’s not.

Plus, if this is the real world as a video game, characters should also have more real-world behaviors. For instance, if one of my friends were to be thrown straight through a brick wall like Scott is by a psychic vegan, my response wouldn’t be, “Hey, man. We’re going to go get some pizza. Catch you later.” Plus, when Scott kills the ex who dates Scott's ex, Envy, she doesn't have much of a mourning period. She's bummed out, but I'd expect a little bit more drama.  Maybe I could accept the irony of some of these moments in a cartoon universe, but this is supposed to be real world Toronto with non-animated people.

The plot within this universe is a repetitive cycle of Scott talking to his band mates, talking to Ramona, and fighting an evil ex. The formula gets a little dull about halfway through the movie. It might not get as dull if it were to be read in its original graphic novel form, which can be ingested slowly at one’s leisure. This movie, however, seems to try cramming all six "Scott Pilgrim" books into a two hour movie.

Once the experience is through, your head will be so twisted that you’ll have to talk to the characters from “Inception” to figure out if you're not in a dream world.


Score: 6.5 out of 10


"Scott Pilgrim vs. the World" is available on DVD and Blu-Ray

Images acquired from http://www.davidbarrkirtley.com/ and cracked.com